Sensory Overload and the Fabulous Gentlemen

I think the last live concert I attended (excluding touring Broadway shows) was Michael W. Smith sometime in my college days. Fast-forward about 10 years: Last night was the event-of-the-year we've been planning for months: Cher, live, in Orlando — with Cyndi Lauper as the opening act. Actually, we think yesterday should have been officially designated another Local Gay Holiday. Remember when I said that I'd run into 10 known homosexuals (and about 150 suspected ones) at the opening of Mallenia? The reverse was true last night. I think there may have been roughly 10 straight men in the audience.

Ms. Lauper's opening act was a stand-alone concert in its own right, lasting exactly one hour. She came off the stage and wandered the audience floor during three numbers, and literally bounced all over the stage. It's easy to see why she fell of the stage somewhere mid-tour, and spent the Tampa show earlier this year walking with a cane. She gave a plug for PFLAG, and sang "True Colors" wrapped in a gay-pride-rainbow, and talked about her lesbian sister and how much she'd love her own kids no matter what.

Cher's performance lasted 90 minutes (give or take 1), and was a combination of costume changes, music from her entire career (she performed her first hit song from the 60's), and video montages of her movies, videos, interviews, and clips from The Sonny & Cher Show. I think we counted 12 costumes. Best moments from the show included her monologue introducing the show ("Ladies and Gentlemen... and the FABULOUS gentlement..."), explaining why this was the "Farewell" tour ("Give me a frickin' break, here. I've been a frickin' DIVA for FOURTY frickin' years."), and paying dues to the whippersnappers of the day ("It's time for these new girls to take my place... Britney... Lo-J [sic]... well, okay, maybe they're not going to take my place...").

I thought Dan was going to hyperventilate when she came on stage. Okay, honey, you're in the same room — a really, really big room — with Cher. She looks about 2 inches tall from here. Now breathe.

Brain's Moment of Glory: Singing "If I Could Turn Back Tie-OHM," a lá Will-and-Grace Jack, as Cher performed it correctly. I bust out laughing so hard the probably-young-when-Cher-was-too fans in front of us turned to see what was the matter.

Thanks to me switching seats before we actually sat, Dan gets stuck next to a woman who (aside from having WAY too much beer during the show — and probably before, too) needed to be reminded that some people just shouldn't wear low-rise pants. Especially not with belly shirts. Ew.

Sad moment of realization: I am old. There were moments of "too loud."

Parting shot on the way home: Dan says we got two full concerts for the price of one. He didn't see the final credit card bill; I'd say we got two for the price of THREE — and yet, I don't mind. I'm not much for paying for ephemera (I like something to show for the outlay of cash), but maybe this fits in the MasterCard "priceless" category.