At Risk

All the news about the impending California gubernatorial recall has, in my opinion, started to poke holes in the "Florida-as-sore-thumb-state" theory. The news spectacle and parade of celebs throwing their hats in the ring has made me question the sanity of the Golden State. (As a native-born Oregonian, I should expect no less, though.) Did Arnold really say, "Hasta la vista, baby," on Leno last night? Gary Coleman running? Arianna Huffington? Gallagher? Larry Flynt??

I propose we rescue our state's much-maligned but well-deserved reputation and recall our Governor. Here is a short list of Florida residents (or at least people rumored to have property here) I think should run:

• OJ Simpson — He could lead a parade, v-e-r-y slowly, up the Turnpike to Tallahassee.
• Donatella Versace — She would undoubtedly put our state first lady's shoe buying fetish to shame.
• Madonna — What do you give the girl who has everything? A political office?
• Rosie O'Donnell — Actually, um... is that such a bad idea?