It Came In The Email

As if to follow up to Tuesday's post, a coworker sent me this gem (source not identified):

News Item: Microsoft announces that BMW's new 7-series sedan will use Windows CE software to run its in-dash control computer. Other automakers will follow suit.

The Top 15 Features of a Windows Car

• Damage from frequent crashes greatly limited by agonizingly slow speeds.
• MS-AAA mysteriously knows where you are and what you ran into before you even call.
• Lets you e-mail viruses to jerks who cut you off in traffic.
• Sure, you own the car — but your nerdy 17-year-old nephew is the only one who can figure out how to drive it.
• Engine trouble? Just execute a Ctrl+Alt+Honk and the car repairs itself.
• "Crowby," the annoying, animated crowbar, keeps changing the radio station.
• It doesn't matter how good it is, those techno-snobs with the free Linux cars always look down on you.
• It's a royal pain to try to pull into a non-Microsoft gas station.
• Now only takes THREE MINUTES to start.
• Whenever you leave your driveway, the little paperclip guy jumps out of the glove box and says, "It looks like you're going to work! Can I help?"
• You have to reinstall the entire engine once a month.
• After putting it in park, it shakes and rattles for a couple minutes before you finally get the signal that it's safe to turn off the engine.
• Despite reassurances of improved security from Microsoft, hackers can easily gain entry by simply using the door handles.
• You can't lend it to someone else; they have to purchase their own.
• You have to pull to the side of the road, turn off and restart the engine whenever you change CD's.

I did find the Microsoft-BMW press release here, so apparently that part is real. Living in Orlando, though, I can't say I'd name a leading edge technology "iDrive."