Armchair Quirister

As someone who's been pretty involved in the local gay chorus — singer, Board member, committee chair — I've caught a few people by surprise by taking leave of the group as of late. It may be just for this concert … or maybe not.

It's no secret that I love music — especially choral singing. It's been a life-long love affair for me, both in listening and in being a member of various singing groups. I was in school choirs, chamber choirs and the like from junior high up into college … I was such a choir geek, I was even in a children's choir and spent a brief stint with the local Chorale in my hometown. I love listening to complex harmonies (my main complaint against Bananarama was their vocals were too simple), and dragged my dad to an outdoor jazz festival with Manhattan Transfer in concert in the Portland area. (We were there so the whole family could all see "Cats" on tour. How gay was I?)

As much as I love music, there is something of a road bump: my incredibly high tendency to introversion. Which may be why I realized that I enjoy the socializing that comes with rehearsals, the time in a community that's not work and not home, and the learning new music and new singing techniques … and could not care less if I actually completed a staged performance of the works we rehearse. Performances come with tons of stress and politics and drama, and for the last few I've been in, that's completely stripped the fun out of the whole process.

(And that doesn't even touch on how I feel about the trend toward "choralography" — the somewhat synchronized movement that's become a local staple as of late. For me that's a fun-drainer all its own. But railing against that is a completely losing battle.)

So oddly enough, I'd be content to go to rehearsals (skipping the choreography lessons, which unfortunately usually eat up half the rehearsal period), and then sit back and let others do the performing. It's odd, I know. Anyone I say this to looks at me like I have absolutely lost my mind.

I'm not sure where this will lead, quite yet. I do miss spending the time with Todd, who's still singing this show, though he wants to take the next one off, which means my next window of opportunity and decision-making time isn't until August, for the holiday show. I'm not sure going but not singing (the "Support" section) will be quite satisfactory enough. I may be looking for a new vocal home, and just deal with the sorrow of not singing alongside my love. Time will tell.